Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
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My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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