Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
