She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
