a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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