Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
