please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
