fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
she pinky promised me she was 18
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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