i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
