well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
