So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
