dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
