return my video game
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
