so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She bit a glass in half.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
