Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
i out mim tonsoeep
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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