the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
