Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
