i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
