I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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