He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
