He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Can you bring me the toilet please
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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