I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
