dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
