Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
