there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
