Apparently you make a good broom.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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