i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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