y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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