seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
