It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
