Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It's rum buckets o'clock
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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