dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Is it because I queefed?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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