Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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