I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
FUCK WHALES
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