i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
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