Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
