I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
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