he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
