This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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