I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
