Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
