The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
