P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
