There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
