does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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