Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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