Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
