I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
...so i touched it.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
