im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
