I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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