I swear she didn't look like that last week.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
