just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
