nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
