Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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