Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
