theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
